Everybody Looks the Same to Me
by fiery-charlatan
Summary: They say goldfishes have bad memory. Maybe Blaine is a goldfish, because he has bad memory when it comes to Kurt. A fic where Blaine has prosopagnosia and Kurt deals with it, slowly but surely.


Title: Everyone Looks the Same to Me

Pairing: Kurt/Blaine

Genre: angst/drama/slice of life

Rating: PG/R

Summary: They say goldfishes have bad memory. Maybe Blaine is a goldfish, because he has bad memory when it comes to Kurt. A fic where Blaine has prosopagnosia and Kurt deals with it, slowly but surely.

Author's Note: Prosopagnosia -Also known as **faceblindness** and **facial agnosia**: Patients cannot consciously recognize familiar faces, sometimes even including their own. This is often misperceived as an inability to remember names. I've written this fic for another fandom (SJ) so if it's familiar, then mianhae, I just think it would also be applicable to Klaine.

_You know, it's kind of like; I've lost everybody, like everyone's gone. And all that I'm really left with are facts without faces..., you know?_

* * *

Kurt looks at Blaine talking to his co-workers with a smile on his face and wonders. He wonders why Blaine's so comfortable with them, it seems as if Blaine can remember his friends and co-workers well enough, but never him. It's frustrating, and as of now, nothing is stopping him from asking Blaine's doctors if they're hiding the truth from him and that Blaine's been obliviated of memories concerning him.

Blaine says his goodbyes to his co-workers. They're nice people and he honestly likes them, but he doesn't think any of them would leave an imprint on his mind. He turns around and sees a man standing next to a car, he seems to be waiting for someone. He walks towards the man , taking long , purposeful strides as if he's done it every day. It's almost routine now, every day, that man would wait for him and fetch him from work. He doesn't know who this man is, but he knows the way he talks, the way he wears his clothes and the way he looks at Blaine. It never changes, the way that guy looks at him, at first, after his accident, he was afraid to trust this man. But nobody seemed to be bothered by this guy appearing right next to him, so maybe, he should know him. But he had to admit though, never did he find this guy's stares unsettling.

"How's your day, Blaine?" the man greets him as he opens the door for him. He smiles gratefully at him and climbs in.

"Great," he responds, as the man gets in from the driver's side. "I think I'm able to tell Jeff and Nick apart now," he says.

The man smiles at him, and Blaine feels his heart beat faster at his smile. He's such a good-looking guy, and he was just his type.

"Blaine, you're staring at me again," he says with a chuckle as he revs up the engine.

Blaine leans back on his seat. "Does it unnerve you when I stare at you?" he asks him.

"No," the man replies.

"It shouldn't," Blaine replies. "Especially when I don't find your staring unsettling at all."

The man laughs at him, and Blaine chuckles. "I see I'm not the only staring then," he comments, making a turn to the left.

"Yeah, you aren't alone," Blaine agrees with him. He turns on the radio and a song by the Beatles starts playing, it was Blackbird and Blaine has memories of a Kurt singing that song. Kurt who Blaine isn't sure if he could still recognize. He sighs and then looks at his fingers. "Why are you always staring at me anyway?" he asks with a small voice. "I mean, I don't think you have it like me, so I don't think you need to memorize my face by staring."

"Is it bad to stare at you?" the man counters.

"No."

"It's your face," the man answers. "It's attracting my eyes."

Blaine keeps quite about that, but deep inside he was bursting with glee. What do you know, this guy sees him as attractive too.

"Why do you stare at me then?" the man asks Blaine now and he's caught off guard.

"You?" Blaine repeats. "Why do I stare at you?"

The man nods.

"Because I don't want to forget a face like yours, but I always do. So I stare, just so I can be reminded," Blaine admits.

* * *

It was a cold, winter night. The roads were much more slippery than usual and even with utmost care and steady hands, Kurt can't help but lose his hold. The weather plus the stress of licensure examinations and a little dose of alcohol was what made him lose it. Every night, he finds himself back inside his Volvo, gripping on the wheels too tightly and turning it around and around but nothing ever happens. They always end up at the side of the bridge, with Blaine hitting the windshield, almost breaking it. He wants to wake up at this point, but he never wakes up before he gets to see Blaine's bloodied face and body slumped on the dashboard. And then Blaine opens his eyes, bloodied and all, and he seems to be judging Kurt and condemning him. It is during this time when he wakes up in a cold sweat, and Blaine would sleepily ask him what's wrong. Tonight isn't any different.

* * *

Blaine sits at a table where Nick and Jeff sit eating. He joins them and for a moment he is again confused who Nick is and who Jeff is. It is when one of them finally smiles at him gummily that he recognizes who's who.

"Hi, Jeff," he greets the man who smiled at him. Jeff greets him back. "Hi Nick," he motions toward the other. Nick smiles at him.

"Took you a moment to recognize us," Nick says.

"I'm sorry about that," Blaine says. "I've only learned which of the traits to look at to recognize you two."

"That's okay," Jeff answers. "It'd probably take you time, but you'll recognize us in a snap next time."

"I hope so," Blaine answers.

Nick holds his free hand. "Believe me, you'll get over this," he says. "Kurt would help you out."

Blaine nods dumbly. He's itching to ask who Kurt is, but even that sounds stupid to his ears. He know who he is, he's the one Blaine loves so much. But why, why can't he put a face to that name? He is briefly reminded of the man who fetches him from work. Maybe that man is Kurt, he thinks, but he can't be too sure; after all, he's forgotten how Kurt looks like and how that man looks like too.

* * *

Kurt gets off at work earlier today, deciding that maybe he should drop by Blaine's doctor's first and update him. He enters the clinic where Dr. Bryant is. He nods to the attendant and asks if the doctor was busy. With the attendant's reply of no, he proceeds to the door behind her.

"Ah, Kurt," the doctor greets him. "I see that Blaine's not here, what can I help you with?" he says as he motions for him to sit.

Kurt sits in front of him and looks at him. "Can you tell me again what Blaine has? This time more clearly, please?"

"What Blaine has is associative prosopagnosia. It's when a person can't identify a face. He can see the facial features and they're clear to him, but he can never put a name to that face," the doctor starts.

"But it isn't something like amnesia, right?" Kurt asks, feeling a sense of déjà vu. Hasn't he asked this before?

"No, they're completely different," the doctor answers. "Amnesia is forgetting, what Blaine has is recognition impairment. Losing your ability to store memories is not the same as losing your ability to recognize things."

"But he remembers me right?" Kurt asks.

"Oh yes, he should remember you clearly, he knows all the things you've done in the past. He knows your name and he's never forgotten you. But he doesn't recognize who you are. See, people with amnesia would forget you and wouldn't have memories of the things you've done together. In a way you've disappeared from their mind completely. But people like Blaine, they can remember you perfectly well, they just don't know you. Do you understand me?"

"But isn't forgetting and not knowing the same thing?" Kurt asks, he couldn't understand how this should make him feel better.

"Look at it this way," the doctor says. "In a test, there are two ways to miss an answer. One is when you've forgotten the correct answer, the second is when you really don't know anything at all."

"Which one is better?" Kurt dreads the answer and wishes that he didn't ask.

"Neither," the doctor shrugs. "You've missed the answer, you got it wrong. And in a test, only the answer matters. Why are you asking anyway? Did something happen?"

Kurt shakes his head. "Nothing much, but he's able to recognize 2 of his co-workers now. Not instantaneously though, it takes time. But I've wondered why he can never recognize me."

"Maybe he does," the doctor answers. "He just doesn't choose to let you know."

* * *

Blaine thinks it's time that to finally find out the name of the guy who's been fetching him and who's sleeping with him. It's been months since the accident and it's also been months since he's been living with that guy, but until now, he has no name for him. He never really understood what disease he has. He's not sure if it's amnesia or something else, but it must be a mix of both; because he remembers things that happen, voices and conversations but he can never match faces to these voices and actions.

With that guy, he has a feeling that that guy is Kurt. When the name Kurt pops into his mind, he gets flashes of skin against skin; heavy breathing and fevered touches. When he looks at that guy, he flushes because he's thinking of inappropriate things. The way he feels for that guy whenever he is near is the same way he feels for the name Kurt. So maybe, he hasn't fully recognized him yet, but his memory does. And he wants his memory and his feelings to match so badly, but he's always been afraid to call him Kurt, because what if he was wrong? Would the guy still be willing to help him through?

He climbs into the car without a word. Nick and Jeff left earlier. The man gets in from the driver's side and Blaine is staring again at him intently. Storing into memory the way the man's hair sweeps up neatly and framing his eyes nicely. Storing into memory the way he bites his lips as he starts the engine.

"Kurt," Blaine's voice leaves his mouth before he knew it. He stills for a moment, hoping against hope that he got the right name and the right person.

Kurt suddenly looks at him, unsure if he's heard him right. "What did you say?"

"Kurt," Blaine repeats. "You're Kurt right?"

"What made you think of that?" Kurt replies, not letting himself bask in happiness. He isn't so sure if Blaine recognizes him anyway.

"It's the way you speak, and the way you act around me," Blaine says. "I don't remember how Kurt looks , how you look. But, something tells me you are the Kurt I love."

"What if I wasn't?"

"I can't be wrong about my feelings," Blaine says with conviction but his hands tighten on the seatbelt. He can feel his hands sweating and his feet getting cold. What if this was not Kurt?

Kurt places his right hand over Blaine's which was gripping the seatbelt tightly. He massages it and gently forces it open to weave his fingers in between his. Blaine's hand tightens around his hand and he gives it a reassuring squeeze. In the back of Blaine's mind, from a cabinet labelled Kurt, a memory flies out from it and plays itself in Blaine's eyes. It was a memory of Kurt asking him to live with him, and in it Kurt was playing with Blaine's hands, tracing lines on his palms and squeezing his fingers.

"You know, I'll always love you right, Blaine?" he asks him.

"I'll always love you too, Kurt," he replies as he squeezes his hand to convince him further. He looks at Kurt who was looking at him intently. He focuses on Kurt's smile, how his small but plump lips stretch when he shows only his upper teeth. He focuses on the way his jawline seems to be highlighted with his smile and wonders how many times he's missed kissing his lips. He doesn't take his eyes off his lips even if Kurt looks away from him, smiling. Tonight he'll memorize those lips, tomorrow his eyes, the day after tomorrow, his nose. But for now, he'll just stare at him, lest he forget how the love of his life looks like when he blinks. Day by day, part by part.

At dinner, when Kurt was sucking on his fork and making ungodly slurping sounds, Blaine puts down his spoon and looks at him pointedly. Kurt looks at him confused to as why he stopped eating. He raises an eyebrow at him and Blaine sighs.

"I want to kiss you.," Blaine says without blinking an eye.

Kurt swallows and gulps. "What?"

Blaine motions for him to come forward and so he does. When he was close enough, Blaine pulls him by his neck and smashes their lips together. He kisses him closed mouth, wanting to feel his lips against his own and filing them under Kurt in his memories. He opens his mouth and licks Kurt's lips tracing it as if it's some artwork that needs replicating. He nips on Kurt's lips, feeling every crack of dried skin and relishing the plumpness. When Kurt opens his mouth, he lets his tongue slither in and identify Kurt from his insides out. Kurt who has been lax back then, finally responds as eagerly as him and then the kiss ceases to be explorative and educational. It's passionate and wanting now. It was to make up for all the times they've missed.

They break part because breathing is necessary, and what Blaine did left Kurt breathless.

"Wow," Kurt breathes out.

"Yeah, wow."

"I've missed that," Kurt says, a bit nostalgic as a hand is brought up to his now-bruised lips.

"Me too," Blaine says. "Let's do that again," he says as a joke. But Kurt takes him seriously and he's not surprised to find himself pinned against the wall of the kitchen, Kurt kissing him senseless. He thinks it's the best way to recognize Kurt. He then breaks off the kiss and Kurt moves on to nip on his jaw lightly, sucking and biting gently and he can't help but moan in pleasure. He lets his memories do the work for him as flashes of Kurt naked next to him whispering "I love you"'s play across his mind with Kurt's hands wandering beneath his shirt.

"I've missed you so much, Blaine," he says as his hands move lower. Blaine could only groan in response. Kurt's hands were near and yet so far from Blaine's favourite spot, he had a half a mind not to buck into his hands, not wanting to appear so eager and desperate.

"Shh, Kurt," he says as he plants a finger on Kurt's lips and then grinds himself into Kurt's palm. "Let's just do this, okay?"

Kurt mumbles a yes in response before claiming his lips again. Blaine didn't know when it happened but all he knew next was he was being carried up to their room, dinner forgotten on the table.

Kurt lies spent on his bed, awake and staring at the ceiling while his arm curls around the equally naked Blaine next to him. He smiles and thanks the heavens that Blaine could finally recognize him. It took him almost 4 months to get Blaine to even speak to him and now that he knows him, he's sure that things are looking up for the better. He lets his eyes close and for a moment, he's genuinely happy that Blaine's back and safe with him.

Blaine lies spent, facing Kurt who now had his eyes closed. A moment ago Kurt was staring at the ceiling, he must be sleeping now, Blaine thought. He must have tired him out, he thinks with a smile as he snuggles closer to him. He doesn't remove his eyes away from him though, because he's scared that if he'll close them, he'll only remember his voice, and his touches but never his face.

"Kurt," he whispers and Kurt cracks an eye open. "Look at me."

"Blaine? Why aren't you asleep yet?" Kurt asks as he turns to face him and closes his eyes again. He sounds tired to Blaine and Blaine mentally kicks himself for asking him to look at him.

"I'm not tired," Blaine lies. He is, he is so tired, physically and of course mentally too. All this visualizing had him wishing he didn't have this disorder in the first place.

"You'll be up early tomorrow," Kurt mutters to him as he buries his face into the crook of Blaine's neck. "You should get some rest."

"I'll go to sleep later, I promise," Blaine reassures him and Kurt smiles at him and mouths an okay.

When Blaine is sure that Kurt is asleep, he kisses Kurt's eyes and nose and lips and proceeds to take mental photographs of him. Tomorrow, when he wakes up, he'll probably look for a name to match this face again, like he does every day, so he doesn't want to go to sleep. Not when he can finally recognize him now.

* * *

It takes Blaine 20 minutes to tell Nick and Jeff apart now. He is disappointed, yesterday, he was able to tell them apart almost instantly. What is different now, he wonders? He looks at the guy with the blonde hair and wonders if that is Nick or Jeff, he shrugs because he knows he'll never be able to tell unless one of them speaks. But they seem to be content not speaking. Blaine shrugs it away and only hopes that it's just some temporary glitch in his brain. Maybe it's time to visit his doctor again.

Blaine tells his boss that he needs to be let off early today because there is something wrong. He remembers his boss to be very strict and most of the time, not very understanding, but it surprises him when he is permitted to get off work earlier. He looks at his boss' smiling face and wonders what is that he sees in his boss' eyes. Is that some kind of pity he sees? He shrugs and brushes it off, choosing not to dwell on it. He doesn't say goodbye to Nick and Jeff because he couldn't see them anywhere, but he does remember two people stopping him and asking him where he's going to which he does not respond.

"Mr. Anderson?" the girl calls out to him just as he was about to finish the article he was reading. He looks up at her, a bit annoyed that he called her. "Dr. Bryant's ready to see you now." He smiles his thanks to her and proceeds to the door behind her.

"Ahh, Blaine, Mr. Hummel, your boyfriend was just here a few days ago," the man tells him. If it weren't for the Dr. Bryant on his coat, Blaine would've assumed that the clinic was now hiring celebrities for their doctors. He doesn't recall Dr. Bryant being this young, he'd always thought Dr. Bryant would be bald and greying, not spiky haired in his late 30s. The doctor motions for him to sit down and he does so. "Here for a check-up, I presume?" he says and Blaine nods. "Okay then, come here," he motions for him to come closer and soon Blaine is faced with a book.

Dr. Bryant shows him pictures and asks him to label them correctly. For the first few pages, he felt confident because he can recognize the things that Dr. Bryant was showing. Some dog, some toys, some place. And then he's showed cartoon characters. There was a yellow, plump, bird on the page and he honestly remembers this bird but he can't. He doesn't know what it is. The next page shows him a picture of a man with a blue suit on and red cape, he doesn't need to look at its face to know its superman. Then there are 2 pages of 1 person in the same color scheme of green and black. One had a shining gem on his hand and the other had a green coat on. Either way, they were one and the same person to him. after a few pages on super heroes, there was section on bands and celebrities. He didn't know if his answers were correct but he was pretty sure that he got the 13 guys as The Warblers correct, unless of course there was another group which was made of 13 guys in the book, then maybe he had to worry. But there was none, so he was fine.

After he finished going through the book, Dr. Bryant takes it from him and tells him to wait as he processes the results. After a few minutes or so, Dr. Bryant is back with the book and with some freshly-printed results.

"So, how did I do?" he asks the doctor.

The doctor looks at him sadly and Blaine holds his breath and silently prays that the doctor has some weird sense of humor.

"Tell me, Blaine," the doctor starts. "Have you been having any headaches recently?"

Blaine shakes his head. "No, sir. I haven't been feeling unwell. Does this have anything to do with the test results?"

He shows him the paper and he makes a quick scan of the words and the numbers but he can't make any sense of it.

"The first part, the one with visual recognition, you've passed it," the doctor says while Blaine looks for the category. It says 100% beside it, he can't help but feel proud of himself. "But you've always been good at visual recognition and you're consistent on that too so we don't have a problem with that. The second part however, is the facial recognition part."

"I got a 52.3%.What about it sir?" Blaine asks. He honestly can't remember all his scores but he's quite sure that it's above the passing mark.

"It's way lower than your previous results, Blaine," the doctor says, and Blaine can feel his heart plummet. "Last time you got a 70% on facial recognition and that just puts you under the associative prosapagnosia where you can somehow recognize people by the things they wear. But this time, you're at 52.3%. That's almost 20% lower than your normal recognition rate. Is there something troubling you? You usually can recognize people by looking at the hair, or their mouths, but now you've completely messed them up."

Blaine doesn't answer, feeling rather beat up and like a child being scolded.

"I know that all cases are unique, but Blaine, this is the first time I've seen someone get better and then get worse," the doctor says, Blaine looks at him and he looks genuinely concerned. "Did something major happen?" he asks again and again, Blaine shakes his head none.

"Nothing sir," he says. "I've been feeling fine , and to be honest I couldn't feel any better. Last night, I was able to recognize Kurt," he says with a smile. "And honestly, it was overwhelming and scary, but I was able to do it."

"Do you remember how he looks?" the doctor asks him.

Blaine nods. "Of course, he looks amazing. He has short hair and he used to have it purely chestnut but now he has blonde highlights. He looks kind, and he's very friendly, and...," then he trails off.

"Blaine?" the doctor asks.

Blaine looks at him fearfully. One moment he's describing how Kurt looks like and next moment, he can't.

"Blaine? Blaine, are you alright?" the doctor asks again.

Blaine looks away from him, and then his eyes dart on the pictures on the wall. He can't tell any of them apart. He can't even tell if his doctor was in any of the pictures. He can't breathe, he feels suffocated. He feels as if he's cheated and he's all choked up because it's unfair. He doesn't even realize that tears are welling up in his eyes until the doctor hands him tissues.

"Are you even in any of those photos?" he asks the doctor instead.

Dr. Bryant doesn't answer, seeing Blaine like this makes him guilty of what he just told him earlier. The moment Blaine stopped describing Kurt was the moment he realized that maybe, instead of having progressed, Blaine has regressed.

"I ," Blaine starts, his voice sounds foreign to his ears, he sounds as if he's choking. "Maybe I'm just stressed," he says as he looks pleadingly at the doctor, as if asking him to believe him. "There's a lot that's expected from me in the office right now, and maybe it's all going in my head."

The doctor only nods in response. "Yes, stress could bring that about," he tells Blaine, but deep inside he knows that there's a lot more to that than stress. He grasps Blaine's hand and squeezes it reassuringly. "Would you like to have some scans or tests done?" he asks him. "Just so we can rule out the things that should be ruled out?"

Blaine looks at him for a moment and then sighs. "Maybe, not today, or anywhere in the near future," he decides. "In two weeks or so? Just before this month ends, maybe? It's inventory month this month, so maybe my brain's just getting rewired with all the accounting I have to do."

"Okay, I'll schedule it three weeks from now then," the doctor says. "It'll be in the general hospital okay? Not here because we don't have the equipment here, is that okay with you?"

Blaine nods dumbly.

"I'll go inform Kurt then?"

Blaine looks up. "No! No, don't tell him, Doc."

"But Kurt needs to be there, we're gonna have major tests done on you."

"No, please just don't tell Kurt. Not yet okay?" he makes the doctor promise, when the doctor resignedly agrees he continues. "I'll tell him, anyways. He just doesn't need it to come from you, no offence."

The doctor could only nod in response. He wanted to tell Kurt of this recent development. It would greatly help Blaine if he did, but telling him would be a breach in confidentiality. He watches him leave his office and can't help but feel sorry for the two of them. Kurt clearly wanted to help Blaine, but Blaine's trying to be independent at an inconvenient time. He shakes his head, he doesn't know who to feel more sorry for.

* * *

_Kurt, don't pick me up anymore, I'm home now._

That was the text Kurt received from Blaine, and to be honest, he doesn't know whether he should feel relieved that Blaine's home now or worried that he's home before hi. He left the office just in time, so he was pretty sure that he wasn't late. It could be that Blaine was let off earlier than usual, but then why wouldn't he have texted him? Could there be something wrong?

A beep from his phone and he takes the shoulder in order to stop for a moment just so he can read the message.

_Bring home dinner, I don't want to cook, and I don't want YOU to cook too, so :D_

He smiles, trust Blaine to shirk out of his cooking responsibilities. He starts the car again and heads for a u-turn. He saw a Chinese restaurant on the way and he knows how much Blaine loves Chinese.

The first thing that comes to mind during dinner later that day was the word quiet. Kurt looks at Blaine and wonders why he's quiet. Usually at this time, he'd have asked Kurt how his day went , or if not he'd have told him what he did or what he found out. Tonight is an exception though, because it seems as if someone took the ability to speak from Blaine away.

"Okay, Blaine spit it out," Kurt says, and Blaine looks up at him guiltily as if he was a child caught in the middle of doing something he shouldn't. He tries to read Kurt's face, but ends up with nothing; so he tries to school his face into a look of innocence instead.

"Spit what out? The dumpling?" he tenses as he attempts at a joke.

Kurt smiles but he knows what Blaine's doing, so he curbs the smile and only his left upper lip curls upward. "You've been quiet," he says. "You're usually not like that. Are you okay?"

Blaine lets his shoulders sag. He thought Kurt knew about his visit to the doctor. "No, I'm fine," he says. "It's just work , I guess."

Kurt nods and then takes his hand from across the table. "Don't tire yourself out too much, love," he says as he kisses his hand tenderly. Blaine's cheeks flush in embarrassment.

"I never do," he tells him reassuringly.

"I know," he smiles at Blaine."It's just that, I can't help but worry about you, okay?"

"I know that too," Blaine says and now he's the one to squeeze Kurt's hand. "Don't worry about me too much, you'll get gray hair with that and I know how much you hate gray hair."

Kurt laughs but never lets go of his hand.

"I'm gonna be fine in no time, Kurt."

* * *

Blaine feels more nervous than before as the three weeks come to an end. He doesn't look forward to the tests he'll be taking. He still hasn't told Kurt about it, and by the looks of things the doctor hasn't told Kurt anything either. He pulls out a notebook from the third drawer of his table and checks if anyone's around. He has finished the inventory for the last quarter of last year and right now he had nothing to do. He could go home but he doesn't want to. The last time he went home early, Kurt caught him staring at pictures of them. He remembered crying when looking at them because he just couldn't identify the people in it, and he thinks it's so stupid that he can't even tell people apart. It was a good thing that Kurt didn't catch him crying though, because if he did, then it would only meant questions to which Blaine had no answers.

He flips the notebook open to a blank page and starts writing.

Today the boss called me in for a meeting. Something about disrespecting the executives? They said that I was supposed to greet the executive from Westerville downstairs and brief him about our inventory, but how was I supposed to know who's who?

His grip on the pen tightens and he writes harder, the words making an impression on the next few pages.

Why did they even send me? Did they forget? I don't even know. Nick could have told them, but I don't even know where he is.

I'm scared. I'm scared that maybe Dr. Bryant is right.

He crosses the last sentence out and curses. He shouldn't think this way and he's only psyching himself out, he berates himself. So instead he doodles, and draws Kurt's face from memory.

He looks at the drawing and thinks it looks horrible and looks nothing like him. It only meant one of two things, either he seriously sucks at drawing, or he just doesn't know how to draw Kurt.

* * *

Dinnertime and Kurt still has no idea about Blaine's tests tomorrow. For Blaine that was good news, but for Kurt who doesn't know, it probably is good news too. That is until Kurt tells him that he's taken the day off tomorrow.

"What? Why are you taking a day off?" Blaine asks him. He watches Kurt scrunch up his eyebrows, but he doesn't think any of it.

"Why not? They've been tiring me out at the office now, don't I deserve a break?" Kurt asks him, pouting at him.

Blaine shrugs, not saying anything.

"Hey, why aren't you saying anything?" Kurt asks him.

"Should I have said something?" Blaine counters.

"How about a would you like me to take my leave tomorrow too?" Kurt asks.

Blaine laughs, not taking Kurt seriously. "You know I can't do that," he says, unaware of what Kurt's trying to convey.

"Why not?" Kurt asks petulantly.

"Because tomorrow is gonna be busy for me," Blaine reasons. "So I can't just leave the office."

Kurt only looks at him suspiciously. Blaine shrugs at him, just so he can appear as if he's not hiding something big like getting his head cut open tomorrow. In the end, Kurt drops the topic and just tells Blaine to rest and that he'll do the dishes again.

Blaine wakes up way before Kurt does. He looks at him, sleeping wonderfully and like a kid who had no care in the world. It was moments like this where he wishes he bought cameras just to capture his face. If he had one of those professional camera and also one of those Polaroid camera, he honestly thinks he could become just a bit better at remembering Kurt's face. He'd label pictures of Kurt , with the date and some phrase of what he was doing during that moment so he'd have physical memories to back up the memories in his mind.

He gently places a kiss on Kurt's lips and whispers an I love you before climbing out of bed. Going to the bathroom and taking his phone with him, he makes a call to his doctor.

"Dr. Bryant?" he whispers into his phone as soon as the doctor picks up. "Do you think I can get tested now? So I can go home after the procedure? Like right after?"

"I've been through it too many times, now," he whispers. "I'd be fine, Doc. You'll just have to strap me to bed for the rest of the afternoon, and maybe until 7pm and there'd be no worries? Please Doc, do it for me and Kurt?"

Dr. Bryant didn't necessarily agree or disagree with what Blaine asked of him, but Blaine took his "I see what I can do" as a yes. If it was a no, then he'd worry about that later, but for now, all he need to do is leave early and pray to the heavens (like what he's been doing for the past three weeks and for the past 4 months now) that nothing would show up in his results.

"We're not doing a biopsy anymore, it's too risky, especially since you're the only one here, and you should've informed at least Kurt or your parents about today," Dr. Bryant tells him as soon as he's changed into the hospital robes.

"Why not? You don't need their consent right? Just me?" Blaine asks him.

"Yes I don't but I'm your doctor, and to be honest, this is me breaching medical procedures but I don't think I'd endanger you by cutting your brain up," he says. "We'll just go with MRI and the standard tests, and then if we see something up then we'll do a biopsy and that's just the worst case scenario."

Blaine only nods at him. He doesn't understand what his doctor's saying, all he wants to know if it's going to take him a long time. "Will I be able to go home in time for dinner?"

"Yes, after lunch would probably be the earliest," answers. "But we're gonna have to discuss the results first and are you sure you don't need Kurt with you?"

"It's just MRI doc," Blaine says confidently. "If I didn't want him here with my biopsy, why do you think I'd want him here with only an MRI to worry about?"

* * *

Kurt wakes up early and yet he doesn't get to catch Blaine in bed with him, and his side of the bed is already cold. He stretches his arms and scratches his side while he looks at his alarm clock. It's already 9 am. He wonders why Blaine left early, wasn't he due for office at 10? He shrugs it away though, thinking that it must be a really busy day for him that's why he got up early.

After brushing his teeth and taking a bath, he decides that he could drop by Blaine's office during lunch time and surprise him. He knows how Blaine loves surprises and food, so a surprise lunch picnic in the park near Blaine's building would be quite a treat for him.

After getting dressed and having his light breakfast, he decides to go out and go to the grocery. Pasta, white sauce, bacon, cheesecake, he mentally lists off the things he would buy for him. Blaine would love him for it.

Blaine tries to keep still while he's slowly being fed to this machine. Fed because he actually hates this machine and when he saw it on tv for the first time, he thought the machine was eating the person in it. No matter how ridiculous it sounded, he still believed in it.

It took the doctor an hour and a half to get him to MRI because of some mix up in the reservations which was brought about by Dr. Bryant's sudden decision to use the machine. That and the fact that they also needed to buy the dye from the pharmacy, so all in all, they were 1 hour and 30 minutes behind schedule. Blaine is nervous because he knows that the MRI can take at most 40 minutes to be conducted, and that might make him late.

"Blaine? Can you hear me?" the intercom crackles to life and Blaine recognizes it to be Dr. Bryant's voice.

"Yes."

"We'll do an MRI first, then after that we'll give you an hour before we do an MRN on you," the doctor says. "Is that fine?"

"What's an MRN?" he can't help but ask.

"It's just the same with MRI only with a different dye," the doctor says.

"Okay."

"It might take 1 and half hour though, the MRN I mean," the doctor clarifies.

At this point , Blaine couldn't care any less so he just nods, not really realizing that his doctor couldn't see him. "What time is it doc?"

"I'll assume that as a yes then," the doctor answers. "And it's 11:20, pretty early if you ask me."

* * *

Kurt reaches Blaine's office at around 12:00 pm. He climbs into the elevator and sees Nick and Jeff. He smiles at them politely, not bothering to ask them if they've seen Blaine.

"Hi, Kurt, what are you doing here?" Nick asks him.

He turns around and smiles at him. "I was just about to get Blaine, I'm gonna surprise him with lunch," he says.

"Blaine?" Jeff pipes up from beside him. "But Blaine isn't here," he says.

"What do you mean he's not here?" Kurt asks, confusion written all over his face.

"Didn't he tell you?" Jeff continues and Kurt gives him a withering look that says of-course-he-didn't-would-I-have-asked-if-he-did. "Oh well, he must not have," he shrugs and Kurt turns to look at Nick instead.

"He's in the hospital, he's having his tests done," Nick answers, sensing Kurt's distraught over Jeff's answers. "He said it's a monthly thing?"

"Tests?" Kurt echoes. Blaine was having tests and he didn't know? He felt more worried than disappointed. Blaine was a generous and selfless person, he'd never want people to worry about him, so he could understand why Blaine didn't tell him that he was up for a test, but what he's doing right now is more worrisome. "Did he tell you where he's getting tested?"

"The usual, I guess?" Jeff answers. "He did say it was a monthly thing. Did you forget?"

"I didn't know," he answers Jeff. Jeff was about to say something but Nick elbows him and both of them wisely keeps quiet. "He didn't tell me."

Kurt looks up at the display above them and saw that it was on the 12th floor, he pushes the door button until the elevator stops at the next floor. Without saying goodbye to the two, he leaves and switches elevator.

Kurt reaches the hospital where he brings Blaine for his monthly check ups by 12:45 pm. Reaching the emergency desk, he asks the nurse if there was any patient named Blaine Anderson. He's called Dr. Bryant before but all he gets is a busy line. He called Dr. Bryant's secretary but the only thing she could tell him was that Dr. Bryant was at the hospital having a biopsy. At the word biopsy, Kurt's heart raced.

"Mister?" the nurse waves his hand in front of his face and he snaps out of his thoughts.

"Yes?" he asks back.

"There's a Blaine Anderson under Dr. Bryant in room 1403, and a Blaine Andersen under-,"

"Thank you, that's all I need," he says and Kurt runs to the elevator.

Blaine fell asleep in the middle of the MRI scan. He has gotten used to the noisy thrums that the machine makes, instead of scaring him like before, it now made him sleepy. He doesn't realize that he's being wheeled out of the MRI room and into a private room only after 30 minutes later when he feels a hand stroking his. He cracks an eye open and looks for the person who's playing with his fingers when his eyes land on a guy that he feels is quite familiar to him, but he couldn't tell who he is.

"Blaine?" the guy speaks up and Blaine is suddenly filled with warmth and elation when he recognizes the voice to be Kurt. "I was so worried about you," he says as he moves to sit on Blaine's bed, Blaine could only stare at him. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want you to worry," Blaine answers sheepishly. "Besides, I didn't have a biopsy this time, so I don't think it's anything serious," he assures him. Kurt looks at him with a frown and Blaine has some bit of difficulty to tell if Kurt's angry, or worried, or just disappointed.

"I'm not worried," Kurt says, but in truth he's more worried than ever. Blaine's previous checkups never needed biopsy or MRI. He wonders what Dr. Bryant saw in him that made him require these tests.

"Then smile," Blaine tells him.

Kurt smiles weakly at him. "Are the tests done?"

Blaine shakes his head. "No, Dr. Bryant says I've got to take another MRI thingy."

Kurt nods his head. "Okay, I'll be there for you. Have you eaten lunch? I made you lunch."

"No, I haven't, let's just eat together after the second test, okay?"

They eat at around 2:30 pm, right after Kurt has wheeled Blaine into the room they were in before. In that 1 ½ hour, Kurt gave Blaine his iPhone so that Blaine can have something to listen to. He originally gave them to him so that he could talk to Dr. Bryant , but Blaine made him promise that they'll look at the results together and so he did that. He busied himself with preparing their lunch on Blaine's bed and the nurse would probably get mad at them but Kurt didn't care. They were going to pay anyways, so he thought he might as well dirty the sheets in the process.

"Wow," Blaine breathes out as soon as his eyes land on the food laid on the bed. He laughs. "The nurse are gonna kill you for this," he jokes as he wheels himself towards the food and takes a strand of pasta.

"No they're not," Kurt says as he joins Blaine on eating the pasta. He hands him a fork but Blaine prefers to eat it with his hands.

"Why'd you need to get 2 MRI's though?" Kurt asks.

Blaine shrugs. "They're not 2 MRI's though. The second one was MRN, I think?"

"Oh, okay," Kurt says. "Medical jargon," he smiles at Blaine, Blaine only keeps eating.

"We'll know the results in an hour or so, anyway," Blaine says, wanting to drop the topic. Kurt realizes that this might be uncomfortable for Blaine so he just drops the topic.

Forty minutes later, they're about to dig into the cheesecake Kurt bought from the bakeshop when Dr. Bryant enters the room.

"Blaine, Kurt," he greets them. Blaine nods and Kurt smiles at him. "I see you've eaten lunch," he says as he notices the paper plates on the bed.

"Yeah," Kurt answers for them. "I originally intended to surprise Blaine with lunch, but I ended up as the one being surprised."

"I would've told you about this if only Blaine here didn't warn me he'd kill me if I did," the doctor jokes.

Blaine laughs. "Even if I did threaten you, I might not end up getting you," he jokes.

Kurt laughs nervously while the doctor only clears his throat. "Yes, that might happen," he says. "Anyways, fresh results!"

Kurt and Blaine stiffen. Kurt unconsciously reaches out for Blaine's hand. This doesn't go unnoticed by Dr. Bryant, though.

Dr. Bryant clears his throat. "Anyways, whatever I'm going to say next, I hope both of you would take this as two , mature adults, okay?"

"It's not gonna be bad news, is it?" Blaine asks and his hand tightens around Kurt's. The doctor looks at anywhere but them and Kurt can feel his heart trying to get out of his ribcage.

"Blaine," the doctor starts and Blaine listens attentively. "Did you happen to fall from somewhere high? Or maybe you got hit, somewhere?"

Blaine gulps. He wonders what his MRI showed that made Dr. Bryant ask this question. He suddenly remembers the time that he fell off the stairs while at work. He thankfully had no twisted ankles and stuff like that, but he did hit his head pretty hard. He had it checked by the office's nurse and she said that there was nothing wrong, no lumps, no concussions, and he didn't feel any pain. He didn't even have a headache and it was 4 weeks ago. "Yes," he answers nervously, seeing that there was no reason to lie.

Dr. Bryant sighs, why did he have to get such a hard-headed patient was what was running in his mind. Kurt tries his best not to show that he is upset and shocked at the same time.

"When did that happen and what happened?" Dr. Bryant asks.

"I, I was running some errands and I was holding a box and the elevators were full and I didn't think it could hurt to use the stairs. And so I did. I must have not seen where I was going because the next thing I know, I was down on the floor."

Dr. Bryant sighed again and discreetly hit his forehead with his palm. "Blaine, Blaine," was all he could say. He was about to tell Blaine off when Kurt got to it first.

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't you tell Dr. Bryant? You were only what? Five months healed and you get into an accident like that? Are you trying to get yourself killed?" Kurt couldn't stop himself. He felt hurt and scared for Blaine. In his mind, if Blaine didn't tell him things like these, then what else could he have hidden?

"I just didn't want to make you worried," Blaine answers in a small voice. On any other day, Kurt would have accepted this reason and would've let it go, but this was not just another day. It was a day where he, Blaine, was almost gonna get cut up just to be examined.

"You didn't want to make me worried?" Kurt asked furiously, voice rising a little. Blaine wouldn't have known that he was angry just by face alone, but the rage in Kurt's voice that he rarely gets to hear gave him the chills. "Didn't you know that I'll never be worried? Every single second I worry about you Blaine, and you tell me that you didn't want to get me worried? It's a bit too late for that," he spat at him.

Blaine pouts, upset at having angered Kurt. "I didn't think," he trails off.

"That's right, Blaine, you didn't think again," Kurt can't help himself from saying.

Blaine doesn't answer and just takes his fuming in. The doctor could only look at the livid Kurt and at the quiet Blaine. In all honesty, he didn't know who felt more sad for, Blaine or Kurt.

"I understand where you're coming from, Kurt," Dr. Bryant says. "But please, calm yourself down." He looks at Blaine next. "Blaine, you should have told me."

Blaine could only look down at the sheets sheepishly. He's even ashamed to face his doctor now, it felt like it was his own fault.

"There's something on your MRI scan and you MRN scan," the doctor started and he brought out the scan results. "This is the first one," he shows one page to them, but only Kurt is looking. "There's a swelling on the base of your skull, Blaine. And that's where the occipital lobe is, it's the one in charge for processing images."

Kurt nods, following what Dr. Bryant says while Blaine keeps to himself. Dr. Bryant continues. "The swelling here is ¾ of the swelling you had when the accident first happened. So, in short, you're losing the ability to process images and it's taking you a longer time than usual to recognize faces."

"But it's not even hurting," Blaine says.

"And that's the bad thing," the doctor continues. "You can't feel it hurting because here," he holds up the second page. "Here in the MRN, the nerve endings seem to be fried in that area. Thus it makes you numb. Touch your nape and see if you can feel anything."

Blaine brings up a hand to the base of his skull and touches it. He can feel something like a ghosting of fingers but never full fingers touching him there, and he's scare because he's pressing so hard now.

"See," the doctor says, sensing Blaine's distraught and taking it as a sign for insensitivity at that area. Blaine doesn't say anything, and Kurt who had been then sitting away from Blaine moves closer to him and places an arm around him.

"What's gonna happen now?" Kurt asks the unasked question.

"For now, we're gonna try medicine and see if it can reduce the swelling like it did for the bump he obtained during the accident," he says as he begins to list the names of the medicines that Blaine has to take.

"I see," Kurt takes note of them mentally as he rubs Blaine's side, by this time Blaine has tuned them out and could only think of one thing, will he still get better?

When Dr. Bryant makes a motion for him to leave, Blaine calls out to him. "Dr. Bryant, will I be able to recognize people again?"

Dr. Bryant stops in his steps and turns around. "As of now," he starts, but seeing Blaine's forlorn expression makes him want to shut up. "As of now, I don't know. We'll have to see," and then he leaves them both.

Kurt is the one to check them out of the hospital. He leaves Blaine alone in the room. He feels guilty about it, but when does he not guilty for anything he has done to Blaine? Wasn't he the reason why Blaine was like this? Why wasn't he the one who ended up suffering anyway?

* * *

It was now 7 pm, and they're back at their house. Blaine doesn't speak to him and Kurt has yet to find the courage to apologize. He would've apologized earlier if Blaine wasn't asleep in the car.

Blaine skips dinner as he goes straight to their room, Kurt had half a mind to call him for dinner, but he realizes that maybe Blaine needed to think things through. He ends up eating a cup of ramen and he smiles at the silly realization that his dinner pales so much in comparison to their lunch.

When Kurt joins Blaine in bed after 30 minutes, he is surprised to see him awake. Blaine turns around, away from his bedside table and towards Kurt as soon as Kurt climbs in.

"You aren't asleep yet?" he lets him snuggle into him and bury his head into the crook of his neck.

"No," Blaine shakes his head as he whispers his answer straight to Kurt's heart. "I didn't want to go to sleep yet."

Kurt smiles before giving him a peck on his forehead. "I'm sorry about earlier," he says. "I'm sorry I blew up on you earlier, and I'm sorry I made you this way."

Blaine looks up at him. "You were being a jerk," he says. "But don't be sorry for my condition. None of us prayed for it to happen," he says and then he goes back to snuggling Kurt.

"I just, you know I have these dreams of that night," Kurt says.

"I know, that's why I wake up before you during that time," Blaine starts. "Don't you notice me always awake when you're having a nightmare?"

Kurt nods, not really remembering things like that until he realized that Blaine was right. No matter how early it was in the morning or how late it was in the evening, Blaine was awake when he gets awakened by his nightmare. He thought it was because he was thrashing in sleep, or maybe calling out his name that wakes Blaine up.

Blaine seems to have read his thought because he quickly adds, "You weren't thrashing, or calling my name, even. I was just awake," he says with a shrug.

"Why?"

"Because I don't wanna go to sleep unless I'm sure you've had that nightmare."

Kurt is tempted to ask why again, but he shuts his mouth, and instead brings Blaine closer to him. "Blaine, I love you," he says instead. Blaine only hums in response, but Kurt knows that he's returning his affection.

"I've always wondered," Kurt starts. "When did you recognize me? Was it on the day that you started recognizing Jeff and Nick?"

Blaine shakes his head. "No, way before that."

"Then when, and why didn't you tell me?"

"I recognize you even after the accident. It was odd, you know, because your face, I can't remember it, but I can remember the way you act, so I knew it was you, I just wasn't sure."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh."

And then silence. Kurt only stares at the ceiling while Blaine stares at him. Since it was too quiet and the only thing heard was their breathing, Kurt assumed that Blaine was already sleeping. When he turns to look at Blaine though, he blushes and turns away quickly. Blaine holds his face and turns it back to him.

"Look at me," Blaine says, holding his face in place. "Your face is the last thing I want to see before I go to sleep and after I wake up."

Kurt kisses him softly on the lips. "I'll make sure of that," he says.

"You do that," Blaine says and lets his eyes close. "Goodnight, Kurt."

"Goodnight, Blaine," he replies as he kisses Blaine on the lips again and hugs him tighter. Blaine snuggles closer and closes his eyes tighter than before, hoping that the image he has of Kurt will stay imprinted in his mind long before sleeps claims him.

But it doesn't. Because the moment Blaine closes his eyes, he can't make sense of Kurt's tall nose. He doesn't know where to put his eyes, and doesn't know if the lips he imagined for him are too large, too small or just perfect. He ends up opening his eyes instead and taking in Kurt's sleeping face. He also ends up losing sleep because of this because he can't bring his eyes to close on their own. But it doesn't matter, he thinks. Sleep has never been a friend of him anyways.

* * *

"Kurt," Blaine says as he lays sprawled on Kurt's legs one afternoon. Kurt only hums in response. "I wanna be a professional photographer," he continues.

Kurt chuckles and Blaine enjoys the way Kurt's face form lines around his mouth. "Why? What are you gonna take pictures of?"

"You, of course!" Blaine answers immediately.

"But I'm not photogenic," Kurt protests.

"Nonsense, you're the reason why cameras are invented."

Kurt only laughs at him.

* * *

In the span of 4 days, Blaine has taken 150 pictures of Kurt and 50 pictures of himself. All of them with labels, with dates and with times. He hangs the pictures of Kurt on the left side of the room while his go on the right side of the room. Kurt asks him why he does this, he only answers with an "I need some space, too." Kurt thankfully dismisses it as one of his quirks but in truth, it's because he won't be able to identify himself and Kurt apart if he ever did.

He looks at his newly hung 200 pictures and sighs. There's no difference. The only things that differ are the clothes and the actions but never the face.

"Oh well," he tells himself. "It's only 200 pictures, I'll learn them eventually."

You're all I want

You're all I need

You're everything

You're everything

Everything.

#


End file.
